i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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