Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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