how hairy? two words: wookie tits
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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