How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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