shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
