are you so shy because you have an std?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
