he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
