it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
