i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
