You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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