Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
