when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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