im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
