just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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