i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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