i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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