i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
