I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
