we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
