Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
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i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
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Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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