if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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