my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
