HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
