I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
