Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
