Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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