wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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