Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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