Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
