Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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