Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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