is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
one might say we're banned from that church
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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