so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
