All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
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ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
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I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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