please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
