Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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