Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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