If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
