So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
