you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
