How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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