I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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