Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Your cock deserves a montage
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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