You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
