her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
