Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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