i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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