How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
