we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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