who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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