If that was your dad, he is hot
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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