Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
