Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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