Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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