I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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