Jerry, you need to find god
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Randomize
