Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Life is so much better after having sex.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
