i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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