I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
