just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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