who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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