He told me they were just razor bumps!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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