Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
