So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
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When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
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Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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