sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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