it was like eating out sand paper
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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