Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
