saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
