nut hugger
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
