P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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