I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
