I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
